The Parting Kiss....DADT, Past and Future

 [Originally posted on the OUTMilitary Blog Magazine]

Last week, with more excitement than I can put into words, I packed my overnight bag with clothes, notebooks, my laptop, and few 'necessaries' and prepared to attend my first training conference for the US Coast Guard Auxiliary in Newport, Rhode Island.  My soulmate and partner, Danny, was my 'second brain,' going through a checklist of items he was afraid I might forget in my excitement.  ("Camera?  Phone?  Meds?  Extra Socks? Laptop Cord? Phone Charger?")

And so, after 32 years of waiting to have even one of the smallest, tangental of  formal roles in the services, we said our brief, very temporary goodbyes as I headed off.

We hugged.  We kissed passionately.  We held each other so damned close, clinging to each other, him knowing what this meant to me, and me sorting through emotions: anticipation, fear, excitement, doubt, insecurity. determination.
 
And as we engaged in that last, long passionate kiss before I left, i was struck - suddenly and powerfully - by the poignancy of that moment.

"How many men," I said to Danny,  "How many hundreds or thousands of men have been here and said goodbye to their partners - most for periods of time longer than my short trip, and most to far-flung places and in the line of fire - and then had to carry this secret in their heart, never allowed to speak of their love, their passion, their longing, once they returned to duty?"

I burst into tears.

How heart-wrenching, how utterly gut-punching a thought that was.

We are on the edge of a new world, where we can now love openly and without most of the fears of the past.  I have it relatively easy.  To those of you service members who lived through the bittersweet days of loving another person and yet remaining silent - my heart, my gratitude, my thanks, my support, my love - goes out to all of  you.

*****

Fast Forward to the training session.

I ran into a young (30 years old) guy at an after-hours gay event in Providence, RI.   He wasn't part of the Coast Guard AUX training; rather, he was a Navy man.  A Navy man who entered the service during the days when he had to hide, and who was still dealing with reflexive responses to inquiries about his orientation.

Being at a gay event, he was nervous - very nervous.  We struck up a conversation, and he admitted how uncomfortable he was.  Apparently, his partner had simply 'dropped' him off at the event against his will in an effort to help him 'open up.'  This poor guy was torn - surrounded by guys just like him, and still terrified that someone might 'find out.'

As we talked, he told me how he had developed instinctive reactions and responses to squelch any suggestion or inference that he might be gay.  And he found that even though "it was OK now," he continued to move and operate in those reflexive patterns.
"And I hate it when I do that," he said.

"I want to be open, to be out, to be me.  And every time I have the chance to do it, I have this knee-jerk response to cover up and protect myself."

We talked long into the evening.   I was happy to see that he finally relaxed and enjoyed himself, and others, and the event itself.
But I was also struck by how hard some old habits die. And how pervasive some fears can be.  And how the need to support, help, and 'walk our brothers and sisters through the process" remains, despite legal changes in the wind. 

.

House approves repeal of Dont Ask Dont Tell: on to the Senate

By a vote of 250-175, The U.S. House of Representatives voted Wednesday afternoon to approve a measure to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

The House had previously approved repeal of DADT, but as part of a larger Defense Funding bill. The Funding bill is bogged down in the Senate, which by a vote of 57-40 last week was unable to cut off debate to take a vote. In a last-ditch effort, Rep. Patrick Murphy (D-Penn.), re-introduced DADT Repeal as a 'stand-alone' bill yesterday, and it was approved about an hour ago.

And while gay rights has been more controversial in the African-American community than among whites, Rep. Al Green (D-Texas), an African American, declared on the House floor,

“I don’t need a survey to tell me what’s right when it comes to human rights...We cannot have a first-class military with second-class soldiers...I will not ask people who are willing to die for my country to lie for my country.”

The same stand-alone bill will be debated in the Senate, where it has been introduced by Susan Collins (R-Maine), Joe Lieberman (I-Connecticut), Mark Udall (D-Colorado), and Kirsten Gillenbrand (D-NY). Supporters believe 60 votes for passage have been secured...and Dont Ask Dont Tell will come to an end.

As soon as we can verify the roll-call vote, we will post it

The PROBLEM with the Pentagon's DADT Report...

Upon the release of the Pentagon's survey of military men and women, President Obama commented:

"...Today's report confirms that a strong majority of our military men and women and their families - more than two thirds - are prepared to serve alongside Americans who are openly gay and lesbian..."

Those who have supported the repeal of the "Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell" rule have pointed to this study as some sort of Holy Grail, proof that our enlisted men and women themselves are in support, by a wide margin, of ending the policy. And, I suppose, those who have always opposed ending DADT will argue that the survey was not worded correctly, that one-third opposition is still an enormous number of people, that things should not change until after "the war." (Which war? Iraq? Afghanistan? The war Against Terror? the War against Drugs? The brewing one in Korea? A strike against Iran's nuclear reactor?)

But all of this media spin and cheering and questioning of the Pentagon Report seems to ignore one central, critical fact:

Since when are civil and human rights in the United States determined by popular vote?

In the 1940s, President Harry S. Truman, as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, ended racial segregation in the military with a single pen stroke (not an act of Congress, not a public debate, not a Special Study by the Pentagon) - but in his Constitutional capacity as Commander-in-Chief. And this, during a time when housing, and restaurants, and hotels, and even public schools, in both the south AND the north - were still racially segregated.

Imagine if he had waited for a Popularity Poll to come out of the Pentagon before acting. I expect he could have made an Obama-like announcement:

"Today's report confirms that a strong majority of our military men and women and their families - more than two thirds - are not prepared to serve alongside Americans who are Black or Latino. Therefore, we will keep segregated barracks and bases as they are."

At least one Federal Court has already ruled that DADT is clearly Unconstitutional.

“The act discriminates based on the content of the speech being regulated...It distinguishes between speech regarding sexual orientation, and inevitably, family relationships and daily activities, by and about gay and lesbian service members, which is banned, and speech on those subjects by and about heterosexual service members, which is permitted,” wrote Justice Virginia A. Phillips, in an 85 page ruling in a case that took six years just to be heard.

Well, dammit, if it's Unconstitutional, I really don't care about popular opinions or Pentagon Polls.

We didn't poll white water-fountain patrons before deciding that separate Water Fountains for Whites and Colored was unconstitutional.

We don't poll pacifists to find out how they would 'feel' if someone in their neighborhood wants to own a rifle.

We don't ask permission from a largely Christian community to build a synagogue in their town.

We don't seek majority approval before agreeing to give an accused rapist the right to take the 5th Amendment.

Ahhhh, you say..."but the military is different!"

No, it's NOT.

In the Declaration of Independence, our founding fathers carefully set out their grievances with the British Crown. One of the prominent complaints they had against King George was this:

"...He has affected to render the military independent of, and superior to, the civil power."

In other words, our founders were clear in their desire that the Military not be independent of, nor superior to, civil authority...something we have routinely ignored in the name of "national defense," and something which has enabled us to send our young men and women around the world in a fools errand at policing and empire building.

I really don't care what the Pentagon survey said. It is immaterial. Constitutional Rights in this country are based in Law for the purpose of securing Liberty, and NOT in popular opinion or mob rule.

Judge: American GIs should "convert" Lesbians

I've heard the hate spewing from the megaphones of NOM and off of the fundraising letters of "Focus on the Family." And just when I thought I couldn't possibly read or hear anything worse than I've already heard...along comes part-time Hamilton County (TN) magistrate Joseph Rehyansky. Writing in a column for the "Daily Caller" titled, "Don't hint, Don't wink: An Immodest Proposal," Rehyansky argued for the inclusion of lesbians in the military, but the exclusion of gay men. His 'reasoning' (I shudder to even use that word) sets a new low in the conversation on Don't Ask Don't Tell...and is nothing short of horrifying coming from the pen (it wasn't even a verbal slip) of a man who is a Judge.

Regarding lesbians in military service, Rehyansky wrote, "...it is an open secret that they [lesbians] do well in the calling, especially in medical and administrative specialties. I am certain that I knew some during my 20 years in the Army, although I didn’t ask and they didn’t tell..." But then he offered his final solution to the 'problem' of having these positive public servants: "...My solution would get the distaff part of our homosexual population off our collective ‘Broke Back,’ thus giving straight male GIs a fair shot at converting lesbians and bringing them into the mainstream.”

In other words, if we can stop all those gay men from whining about equality, we can let our red-blooded straight American Soldiers screw all those confused lesbians straight.

Corrective rape. How utterly....18th Century. If that.

On the other hand, Mr. Rehyansky sees no hope for Gay Men at all:.

He writes, "...gays spread disease at a rate out of all proportion to their numbers in our population and should be excluded from the military..."

Ummm...Did Mr. Rehyansky forget about what actually went on the medics office during the decades he himself served in the military? Did he forget the warnings and 'protection packs' offered to military members before going on leave? Is he unaware that syphilis, followed by other STDs, is the number one 'condition' treated by Navy Medics? And that vasectomies are the number one outpatient operation performed at military hospitals? And that these, generally, all involve those red-blooded, straight American soldiers (the same ones he wants to go rape the lesbians into submission and straightness?)

Not willing to deal with military heroes like Col. Victor Fehrenbach and Lt. Dan Choi who stand to lose their pensions and careers, Rehyansky then goes on to attack gay mens' contributions in the military.

"Kinsey’s notorious World War II-era study concluded," he writes, "that about 10% of adult males in the United States were homosexual. Never considered in his study was the fact that most able-bodied American male heterosexuals were elsewhere, serving as part of The Greatest Generation...

Ah. Straight Warriors. Gay Pansies. Straight men go to war and gay men stay home. If that's the case, why are 'gays in the military' any issue at all? There wouldn't be any, would there?

Finally, he brings up the locker room.

"It’s been a long time since I was required to shower among 40 or so friends, acquaintances, and virtual strangers...Forty-two years after the fact, I no longer have a clear recollection of the experience, so it must not have made much of an impression on me. I’m certain I would have vivid memories of the experience if my shower-mates had been potential sexual partners....shouldn’t the overwhelmingly straight warriors who answer their county’s call be spared the indignity of showering with other men who achieve lascivious enjoyment from the sight of those lithe naked bodies...?"

The point, Mr. Rehyansky, is NOT that there were no gay men in your locker room. The point is that there most likely were, and it was no big deal - not then, not now.

And let's face it, Judge...some of those very straight men engage in some very lascivious conduct in those very locker rooms. Perhaps that's why "Dont Tell.." is such a threat to so many....

This "Judge" can't figure out whether gay men in the military are few and far between (because they are not inclined to military service), or whether they are so numerous that they may spread a health risk throughout the service (because they are having sex with ....who?)

He can't explain why stating one is gay makes one more likely to spread disease while keeping it hidden will also keep the STD hidden.

He can't explain the logical inconsistency of an article where he writes for three paragraphs about gay mens' promiscuity, while at the same time concluding that straight GIs be promiscuous with lesbians to 'correct' them.

This man represents Blind Justice? This man delivers judicial decisions from the Bench?

God help the citizens of Hamilton County, Tennessee...

'Nuff Said:

DADT, Lt. Col. Fehrenbach, and Obama's deplorable inaction

General Pace and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Well. This will not have to be a long post for me to make my point.

By now we have all read comments by the Marine Core's General Peter Pace in support of the Military's "Don't ask Don't Tell" policy . He stated,

"I believe homosexual acts between two individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts," said the General, and "I do not believe the United States is well served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way."

Now, in response, many in 'Gay Leadership' (HRC, GLBT Task Force, the usual Pink Mafiosos) went ballistic, and, in an almost habitual self-defeating way, went after the *wrong* issue. They immediately jumped on *what* he said, in proclaiming homsexuality to be immoral, instead of faulting his illogical reasoning as to how it relates to the Policy.

Like it or not, a lot of Americans agree with him on the 'it's immoral' issue. It is not a crime to think differently, or have different opinions abut 'morality,' no atter how odious they might seem. If we focus on the issue of whether or not homosexuality is 'immoral,' we become bogged down in an unwinnable arguement. People will believe what they want about sexual morality.

No, friends, the greater point is this: the good General proclaimed that it is necessary to keep any 'immorality' out of the military: "I do not believe the United States is well served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way." And this was his arguement in favor of DADT.

Let's be frank, General: soldiers don't have affairs, right? They don't visit brothels. They don't sow their oats when given a pass off-base. They wait until they're 21 to get drunk. They never smoke pot, or send drugs home. Those sailors-in-port stories are just that - stories. The army never talks to its soldiers about STDs or provides condoms, and never treats syphilis. Nope, never happens.

General, would you favor dismissing every soldier who visited a whorehouse? Smoked pot? Got drunk? Had sex with someone not his or her spouse? After all, if immorality is bad for military personnel, why not get rid of all the sinners in the armed forces?

Get off it, General. The most glaring point here is that there is a double standard: we wink at the boys who are off getting their rocks off when they're so far from home...we excuse it - even expect it - from red-blooded American soldiers. But God forbid one of those soldiers might have different inclinations - THAT's immoral, and they must be kept out of the army.

On it's face, the policy is riduculous, and must fall.