Calling Interference on Congress....

OK, easy quiz: Which of the following words or phrases does not belong:

“Ground Rule Double, Pitcher, Yankees, Shortstop, World Series, Dugout, Congress.”

Hmmmm….that was hard, wasn’t it? Actually, for the self-appointed Inquisitors looking into the steroid ‘crisis’ in Baseball, that is a hard question. Somehow our friendly politicians have decided that only they can determine the rules and penalties under which baseball is played, thus saving the sport from itself.

God help us. Next they’ll be dictating the temperature at which Apple Pies must be baked.

The Congressional Breast-Beaters believe that they are the only solution to whatever perceived problem there is concerning ‘roids. What they have never understood, and still don’t understand, and I guess never will, is that Free Markets are always a more effective and efficient arbiter of ‘problems’ than Congress is.

Long before Congress started holding committee meetings to decide what to do about the Enron scandal, the Market had already reacted. Shareholders and investors pummeled Enron in a matter of days, punishing the company for its transgressions. While Congress talked and argued, the Market decided that Enron should die for its shenanigans. We really didn’t need Congress to say, do , or legislate *anything.*

In an effort to be ‘tough on drugs” and appear in a glamorous setting with sports superstars, the McCarthyesque drama began with an attempt to tear down Mark McGwire. Congress insisted that there was Trouble, Big Trouble, and that starts with T and that rhymes with P…..ooooops, sorry, wrong demagogue…...They insisted that the American Public needed protection from the druggies, demanded honesty from the players, and were outraged at the prospect of steroid use in professional sports.

But how did “we” the public actually feel? How did the Market react? Quite frankly, the McGwire-Sosa rivalry is credited with bringing Major league Baseball back into popularity after fans became disgusted with MLB after the players strike. In fact, the Market has sent the message that it likes Baseball. While Congress may see some Phantom of disgust, the fact is that fans are attending MLB games in increasing numbers.

If the Fans, or the Players Unions, or the Players themselves, or anyone else thought there was a problem, or unfairness, surely all of them have mechanisms to already to address those issues. Since when does Congress need to poke its nose in?

“Ah, but those are America’s heroes! Children are watching them!,” counter our politicians, those Paragons of Virtue and Heroism. “Since children watch them, they need to be held to a higher level!” they say.

Well, when I was a kid, statesmen were my heroes. I read about Lincoln and Jefferson and Washington and a host of politicians. If Congress is so intent on setting a good example, why not concentrate on their own house?

Ah yes, the makeup of the Steroid Scandal Committee is quite interesting.

There’s Tom Davis, who introduced legislation to prohibit government auditors from examining contractors billing records (I’ve never quite figured out how you conduct a fair audit under those conditions.) Or Tom Lantos, the hit-and-run driver who ran over a kid in Massachusetts and sped away in spite of the pleas and shouts of the crowd. Or Jim Bunning, who refused to recuse himself from considering his sons appointment to an appellate judgeship (the American Bar Association expressed “serious doubts” over his appointment). Or Henry Waxman, who strenuously opposes tort reform (for the public good, of course), but whose #1 contributor is the membership of the Association of Trial Lawyers.

Ah, yes, upstanding committee members who set an example for today’s youth, huh? These fine men have suggested that a Baseball player should be forced to sit out 50 games in the event of a ‘steroid’ use, since the youth of America is looking up to them.
Do they think the youth of America does not see what its elected officials do as well? Perhaps each time a Congressman does something that sets a poor example for America’s youth, we should make them sit out the next 50 votes. Or the next 50 elections……

Sitting on my shelf is a bottle of ProLab ThermaPro, a thermogenic designed to raise metabolism and help burn fat. I used this (same basic ingredients as the old Hydroxycut and Xenadrine) several summers ago, while running in the hot Dakota sun every morning while trying to lose weight and tone up (mission: successful!). Ah, but this product contains ephedrine!!! [crowd gasps in horror in the background.] When I used it in 2002, I was using a sports supplement. When the FDA banned it last year, I became the possessor of an illegal substance. When the Court overturned the FDA ban, I was an upstanding citizen again. Then the FDA declared that my 20 mg ephedrine was greater than the amount in the court case, and was illegal, and presto-chango, I’m a criminal again.

And this has been the history of steroids and sports supplements. The non-steroidal Androstendione which was available in every health and vitamin store a few years ago, all of a sudden disappeared because the FDA arbitrarily decided that since it was only “one step away” from a steroid, it is now illegal. However, DHEA, which is two steps away from a steroid, is still OK (for now…stock up while supplies last….)

The steroids that Jose Canseco mentions being used in MLB were by and large completely legal in 1980. Many of them are still legal in much of the world, including industrialized nations such as Germany and Holland. Some (Fina) can be made of 100% legal substances in your kitchen. Others are legal as veterinary substances.

The history of Sports is the history of going the extra mile and being slightly better than anyone and everyone else. Athletes give up much of their personal lives and incur a great personal cost in training. They regulate what they eat. They take vitamin supplements such as Calcium. They take Glutamine to prevent muscle breakdown. They take Milk Thistle and ALA to keep their livers healthy. They take Glucosomine to help repair their stressed joints, and if they’re in trouble, they get shots from their doctors. Some take “stacks” to raise metabolism and speed weight-loss (like my illegal aspirin-caffeine-ephedrine stack). They use Creatine as a muscle volumizer and NO2 to increase muscle pump, while downing extra-heavy whey-protein isolate shakes to increase food to muscle cells. Somewhere along the line Congress is going to find out that many use insulin to increase food nutrition entering the muscle cells as well. Some use 2-step-away prohormones like DHEA, others used 1-step-away-prohormones.’

And yes, some use steroids. Yes, the bar is constantly raised. In the effort to be bigger, better, stronger, greater. And if anyone thinks that taking steroids means you take a pill and you’re suddenly Hulk, they are sadly misinformed. Guys who take steroid injections and just ‘wait’ for the effects find themselves fat and tired. An athlete who has chosen to use steroids will be working his butt off 5-6 days a week in grueling workouts. There is no ‘free ride’ by using steroids.

It is amazing, isn’t it? If someone goes to Beverly Hills and forks over $10,000 to a surgeon to have 40 pounds of lard sucked out of their gut in a two-hour operation, that is not only legal, it’s indicative of being One of the Beautiful People. But if you work your tail off during a 12-week steroid cycle to reduce your body fat from 15% to 6% through arduous workouts, well…..”that’s illegal! That’s immoral! That’s just not right!!!! We must punish baseball players!”

Actually, it seems a hell of a lot more honest to me.

Of course, why stop at baseball players? Do they really think that that high school kids are dealing in ‘roids because of Baseball? Have they considered WWF? Do they think the models on the cover of Mens Fitness go that way from situps and spinach? Have they asked the Governor of California how he got that big? Wake up, gentlemen: when you outlaw a substance, you don’t make it go away….you make it go underground. Anyone remember Prohibition?

What’s more important, is that no one has been able to tell me just who is so harmed by an individual athlete’s choice to juice that it requires federal robocops. Let us *assume* for the sake of argument that Mark McGwire used steroids.

Has he killed anyone? Assaulted anyone? Robbed anyone? Maimed anyone? Can you point to any damage he has caused? (Of course, Congress is probably collectively guilty of all these things). So why the witch-hunt?

There are those who will say that when young people emulate these guys, they are hurt. But that’s like saying that NASCAR should be responsible for kids who drive fast , that McDonalds should be responsible for obese slobs who sit and eat Big Macs every day, and that Clint Eastwood should be responsible for a kid who shoots someone.

If the Players are upset, or the union, or the fans, or the owners, they have immediate remedies and avenues. If they have chosen not to pursue them, perhaps Congress should realize they’re barking up the wrong tree.

We don’t need Congress to decide who should be and shouldn’t be our sports heroes. We’ll do that for ourselves, thank you.